A dating agency set up by “uglies” for “uglies” has celebrated its first engagement. Self-confessed ugly Tom Clifford has got engaged to self-confessed ugly Janine Walker.
Tom described himself as “having a face that makes children cry.” Tom quit his job as a teacher recently saying “it’s just not fair on the children, trying to read their textbooks with tears in their eyes.”
Sharing a mutual love of TV dinners and junk food, the pair got engaged after just 4 dates. Our first date was at an expensive restaurant and we were greeted with a “what the frick are you, and then the waiter just burst into tears, which wasn’t very nice.” The couple are concerned about their future children, “our kids are going to have the double ugly gene which can in rare cases prove fatal.” Well known “double-uglies” include John Prescott, Wayne Rooney and some guy from Hear-say."
The dating website has paid for their honeymoon as they have a company caravan in Wales, “the caravan is hidden away so they won’t offend anyone with their faces or their love making which probably looks like a piece of doe being kneaded” said a spokesman. Tom and Janine were recently granted a “procreation license” as they managed to prove their procreating would not be a threat to public health.
Ugly people are often overlooked for roles in TV. Tom was even refused a job in radio. Radio 1 said “his ugliness was projected through his voice.” One listener was quoted, after hearing him speak I could tell he was “utterly disgusting.”
The Ugly community in the UK has grown in the last 10 years from 3 to 59 million and the ugly gene is thought to have originated with Keith Chegwin.
A government spokesman said, despite fears, that the ugly community does have a voice in the UK, “look, we have Danny Alexander for example, he is an absolute minger and yet he’s in the cabinet,” said a spokesman. “We often call him a minger, we changed his email address to firstname.lastname@example.org, he loves the banter I’m sure,” said a Conservative spokesman who then laughed heartedly.