UK Newspapers’ are to take out a super injunction against Ryan Giggs to stop his affairs taking up all the pages. Members of the Libyan Embassy were said to be fighting the super injunction on Ryan Giggs behalf as his infidelity takes the heat off them, “with Ryan Giggs shagging everything we can just keep on bombing people and no one finds out,” said the Libyan Ambassador.
A Libyan rebel fighter interviewed near Misrata said, “we’re in the middle of a f**king revolution and Ryan Giggs keeps taking the headlines from us for what he does with his willy!”
Forensics company, “Infidelity” in the UK has seen a massive upturn in business as it secures roughly 100 new contracts a day as a result of Ryan Giggs, “were being booked to forensically check people’s houses for traces of Ryan Giggs semen, we usually throw in a free check for John Terry’s as well! The footballer special is our most popular package.”
NASA have also begun looking into whether Ryan Giggs semen can be seen from space with recent results proving promising, “Ryan Giggs semen trail stretches around the world, it’s like the Great Wall of China...except if you imagine the Great Wall of China was made out of semen.”
The UK Government are now frantically offering DNA tests to all UK citizens in a bid to determine exactly how many have been fathered by Mr. Giggs with special priority given to anyone who has a son who can kick a football with his left foot.
With the Ryan Giggs revelations, John Terry is now favourite to win “Footballer Husband of the Year.” A spokesman for the annual awards said, “he only cheated once which for a footballer is like Lady Gaga going out in a pair of jeans.”