Sunday, 7 August 2011

Job Centre bans Lap dancing and stripper ads

The Job Centre has announced a ban on advertising jobs in the sex industry. This will include jobs as lap dancers and strippers. Lap dancers differ from strippers. To become a Lap dancer you require an A-Level in Geography.

There are currently 350 job vacancies in the sex industry in the UK and the industry describes the ban as unworkable. Many celebrities have come out against the ban with Snoop Dogg describing it as “unworkable.” Snoop added, “The UK is just gonna end up with a lot of broke ass bitches claiming benefits.” Snoop will address a Select Committee regarding the issue later in the year.

The government wants to stop women being forced to take jobs they feel uncomfortable with. A similar ban on advertising roles as estate agents, traffic wardens and personal assistants to John Prescott is also being considered.

The ban will apply to any job that involves “direct sexual stimulation,” indirect sexual stimulation is still ok, an example would be when a breeze blows through the office window and makes you feel a bit funny. Bankers in the City of London are concerned vacancies in lap dancing clubs will go un-filled for months, “If there’s no lap dancers who else can a lie too about how much I earn, I can’t tell my wife. Also these Lap dancers always fancy me!” said Rupert, a City worker from Kensington.

Sarah, who has worked as a lap dancer for 10 years described the industry as empowering, “I get such a high when some pissed-up fat banker says I have a great snatch, I think, not even my boyfriend as ever given me such a complement.” Sarah goes on to describe how much she enjoys lap-dancing, “it’s like theatre or Shakespeare, only in here Juliet gets her thatch out for Romeo.”

Sarah went on, “To me, this move by the government implies I am a sex worker, I’m no such thing, on my tax form I describe myself as a lap arousal consultant.”

The lap dancing industry brings in more than 2 billion a year, unfortunately most of this is from 1 pound coins collected in pint glasses making it hard to be accurate.

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